I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize