Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
