Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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