sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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