Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
