1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
