"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cockslap morals
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
