I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
