he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
