You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
