K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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