I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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