Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
