I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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