evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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