Pappa wants mamma naked
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
