Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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