my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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