i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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