I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
