I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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