mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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