Need sex. Gaining weight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
