Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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