Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize