Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
