I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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