he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
