Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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