Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
