I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
