Someone shit on the floor
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
