hell yes lets make some ravioli
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
