Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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