Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
