you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
