he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
