I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
