I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
