bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
