I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize