It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
