i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
