Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
