U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
