Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
