Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
