he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
