After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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