Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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