I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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