when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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