I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
