there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
