Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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