O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
