I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wear drunk well.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
