..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
