Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
