so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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