so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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