Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
