Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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