do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
