Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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