So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
