so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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