I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
