the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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