last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
