new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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