bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
