Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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