Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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