We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
