I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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