I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
