I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
