I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
