kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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