Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
