it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
