True but thats because hes a fetus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
