My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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