So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
