we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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