I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
