fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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