im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
