I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
