He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
