Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
