covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
