Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
