remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
