the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
