MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
