dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
