She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
