i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
