Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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