Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
